I’m beginning to understand why liquor stores will not stock Pappy Van Winkle. In the past month, I’ve received countless phone calls and emails from people looking to buy or sell the delicious juice. I realize this is par for the course for writing about whiskey, but I can’t help but laugh at some of these:

“I was lucky enough to score a bottle of 23 year last week. E-mail XXXX for any serious offers.”

Okay, let me get right on that.

“Hello, I’m trying so hard to get two cases for a wedding. Everybody said you will never get this bourbon. Please, respond to this and do me a favor and supply me with this.”

… Because I love doing favors for people I don’t know who randomly email me for Pappy. I’m all for love and weddings, but I’d first recommend a visit to a clinical psychologist.

Phone conversation.

Somebody: You’ve written about Pappy .

Me: Yes.

Somebody: Want to buy my bottle?

Me: What?

Somebody: I’ve got a bottle of Pappy. Want to buy it?

Me: Who is this?

Somebody: Want it or not?

Me: Who is this?

The person hangs up without telling me who he is or what particular Pappy release he’s trying to sell.

It’s because of the Pappy phone calls I no longer answer the phone unless I recognize the number.

“We’ve never met, but I’m friends with your neighbor. Can you help me get a bottle of Pappy 23-year-old?”

The person never identified which neighbor.

“Hey, Fred, it’s my dad’s birthday. I’ve been putting off shopping for him and his party is tonight. Know where I can get a quick score of Pappy. It doesn’t matter the year.”

Oh, since the year doesn’t matter, let me just get out my list of places for your last-second shopping effort. You must really love your dad.

Follow me on Twitter / Facebook. It may not be Pappy, but Whiskey Women makes a great holiday gift.